Insecurities of a Fat Girl

185 lbs.
Red face.
Stringy, oily hair.
Stretch marks as far as the eyes can see.
Bad breath.
Chewed nails.
Giggly arms.
Pudgy stomach.
Thighs bigger than a ham.
Thick calves.
Ugly feet.

Insecurities

Beautiful eyes.

Saving Grace

Friendship

"Ms. Perry? Do you have Friday's essay?" asked Mr. Morgan as I blushed red. I immedeately began to look through my backpack for the required piece of paper, and upon finding something peculiar, stashed the object into my pocket slyly and handed Mr. Morgan the essay. I stuck my hand in my pocket as he turned to the white board, and saw a piece of folded paper, which I un-opened and promptly began to read.
'Carmen. Dear Carmen. I love you. I have loved you since long ago, and I want to be with you. I want to be your Valentine, I want to be your New Year's kiss, I want to be yours, and yours alone.

As the sun begins to set in the west,
And I hear a sweet bird song in the air.
I think of the one that I love the best,
The one with sunlight in her hair.
The beauty of her lips,
The grace of her smile.
I stutter and flutter
As my heart jumps a mile.
Her eyes are like sky
After a cool summer rain.
And all I can do is fall
Again and again.

'Oh, sweet Carmen. Please meet me at Delly's Diner after school. I will be at the back booth, the one with the tear in the seats. Please. I love you.
~T'
The bell rang, signaling the end of class, and the end of school. I went to my locker in a daze, and it wasn't until I ran into Jacob that I could even work out a coherent thought. I handed him the note, and hoped that he took that as an explanation as I left without a goodbye and drove straight to Delly's.
The booth in the back was notorious for hook-ups and break-ups. I was anxious as i walked to the back and saw a body with black hair. The person turned and I gasped. It was Jacob! I sat across from him, my mouth still gaping.
"You know, I think there are flies in here," he said jokingly, and I closed my jaw with an audible click. I finally choked out some words.
"But.... but we have been friends since sixth grade when you squirted milk out of your nose and into your eye! Your name doesn't even HAVE a T in it! It makes no sense....." I rambled as my mind tried to make sense of what was happening. I mean, I had always thought I had feelings for Jake, but I knew it would mess up our friendship. So I never acted. But Jake reached across the table to take my hand, and my heart melted.
"My first name is Timothy. That day in the cafeteria was the day I realised that I loved you. And I don't know how, but I have always known that you have had some sort of feelings for me. SO how abotu we give it a chance?"
I did nothing for about a minute, and then leaned over to plant a kiss on his cheek, and his lips caught mine. That kiss, the first of many, conviced me.

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comments?

Carpe Diem.
Seize the day.
These words can mean so much.
These words can mean so little.
These words speak to children.
These words speak to adults.
These words speak to teens who do not hear.
These words tell you to fly.
These words tell you to fall.
These words help.
These words hurt.
These words give confidence.
These words take confidence.
These words make you want to be the best you can be.
These words want to make you cry because you can't.
Seize the day.
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i know that some people..... ok most people...... won't be able to understand this poem. but it is about rape.

rape victims and sexual abuse victims and molestation victims are often withdrawn. they can't see the world, they are afraid to trust. they can't seize the day because to them, it is impossible.

'how do you know what these people feel?' you ask. well, i am one of those victims that i speak of. molestation is a crime. sexual abuse is disgusting. rape is not sexy.

christmas story

She sits on the couch, wearing an old demin jacket and wrapped in a blue blanket. Her slippers are too big, and coming apart. His old jacket. His old slippers. She is watching home movies, and drinking Mountain Dew. He got her started on that. Just as he got her addicted to NASCAR, and Top Gear, and books. He is behind the camera, looking at Tori's 3-year old self, tearing apart Christmas presents. He was always there for the Christmases she couldn't remember, always got called to work on the ones she would never forget.

Tori looks at the old photo in her hand, worn with time and tears. Adding one more salty drop, she leans forward and kisses the picture.

"Merry Christmas daddy."

small little random romantic thingie

Laughing, Zeke grabbed my hand and helped me up. After being thrown to the ground about four time sweat was dripping off of my forehead. He handed me a bottle of water and flopped himself on the couch. He was so tall his feet were hanging over the arm rest.
I pulled on his arm to make him sit up. He didn't budge. I pulled harder, but he still didn't move. Just as I was about to give up and sit on the floor he yanked on my arm and I fell with a squeal beside him. He grabbed my waist and tikled me until I was forced to squirm until I was facing him. His arms were still around my waist, and they encased me. My arms wound themselves around his neck. He leaned in, lips parted slightley.
Our lips met gentley and our arms tightened. It was sweet and loving. There were no tongues, no groping, and no sexual tension. This kiss, the first of many to come, was everything a first kiss should be. Memorable.
We pulled apart and his hand came up to cup my cheek tenderly. I smiled and hugged him. We held each other for what felt like forever. I knew right then that this was meant to be, that we were perfect. That HE was perfect.........

True Reflections

A piece of glass hangs in the hallway.
I pass and stop.
I look back and find something hideous.
It is something so frightening that I almost scream.

Skin constantly red from blush.
Lips cracked from cold and air.
Fat around the stomach, the arms, the legs.
The stretch marks, pink, run up the tummy like claw marks.

I look at the face.
I blink, it blinks.
Oh God.
It's me.

But I look at the smile, cracked lips and all.
I see happiness.
I look in those eyes, changing from hazel to bright green.
I see warmth.

The composure of this monster, this beast, is that of confidence.
I feel that I have none now, yet I can sense it stir.
I stare at the mirror.
I think, I realize.

It shows your countenance, deformed or beautiful.
In that facade, it shows your true relfection.
It shows the real you.
Whether you be mean, or loving.

I may not be beautiful.
I may never get asked to model.
I may never fall in love.
I may never do anything like that.

But I am smart.
I am witty.
I am graceful.
I am beautiful in my own way.

And nothing, NOTHING, can stop me.........
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ta-frikin-da. don't feel so confident right now. what do ya think?

for britany

this was 4 britany's birthday which has passed. enjoy!
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12years from this day you were born into the world. a girft from Him to your mother, you smiled constantly. funny. only four was I when this day came. just four. and my memories have failed me some, but not all. your first lost tooth. singing Take Me Out To The Ball Game in that sweet sweet voice. spending the night with you, or you with us. my other sister are you.

cody. his birth. we all held him, and the look on your face was so loving that I almost cried. so many memories, old and new. going to see the first Twilight movie, all of us so excited that we almost screamed! your first blog, how sweet. your songs, your poetry, your sweet smile. your growth! how tall you have become! the tears come again.

my sweet sweet darling, mo einin, happy 12th.
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ps: mo einin is gaelic for my little bird!